At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
