Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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