Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
