what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
