i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
