my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
