can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
