he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
