soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
