its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
