Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
