he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
