well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
