nut hugger
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
