I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
