mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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