Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
