you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
