I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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