Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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