Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
