you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
