3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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