I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
