I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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