in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
