Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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