Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
