i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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