remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
