Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
