It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
