yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
