Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
