i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
