But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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