Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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