What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
