Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
