Even the bartender felt bad for me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
