god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
