We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
