On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Did I show you my penis last night?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
