i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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