The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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