What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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