Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
