Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
