how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just had sex bonerless
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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