He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
