I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
