just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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