Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
