Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
