who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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