you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
