i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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